Life can get busy. Sometimes it takes a concentrated effort to do the things I like most. Writing is one of those things. I love to write, but it takes effort, and when the kids go to bed on most days, watching a movie requires far less of my effort than writing does. This is strange to me, because I enjoy writing. Many times I think about things to write during the day, only to forget them somewhere between the drive home and the kids' goodnight prayers. If things that I enjoy doing can get set aside for weeks...how much greater is the danger of neglect regarding the things that I do not enjoy?
On November 29th, 2010, Erin and I welcomed our third son to the family. Since that time our life has been a roller coaster of emotion, both good and bad. Anyone who has had a child knows that the first two months are both trying and joyful. We were able to experience an added element to the situation, because Erin has not been well. At first we were not concerned, but the problem continually got worse. Several doctor trips resulted in Erin being put on a medicine to try and force her body to correct the problem. Basically, this medicine was going to send her into labor...and it pretty much wiped her out for a day and a half. During that time I learned some things about my wife.
I have always said that I could never be a stay-at-home parent; until yesterday it was mostly just lip-service to encourage Erin. Friday was my day to be Mr. Mom. Three kids, all under the age of three, all day...just me. Also, there was Erin in the bedroom in pretty severe pain that I had to keep my eye on. It may shock you to know that this is the first time that I had been "in control" of all three of our children by myself for an extended period of time.
I discovered quickly the little things that I did not know how to do. For example: Swaddle Donovan correctly so that he didn't break free of his blanket while he was struggling not to fall asleep. I also had to learn all of the little sacrifices that I pay no attention to on a normal basis. Like when I caught my breath and warmed myself some pizza up in the microwave for lunch - completely forgetting that Dylan and Ronin needed to eat as well...and that meant that I had to get them something. Before I could even sit down I had two children clawing at my legs for the food I was carrying. After they had finished eating the pizza I made for myself, I went to eat something of my own, and the baby woke up to eat.
It was literally a never-ending parade of diaper-changing, feeding, juice-filling, crowd controlling, laundry-doing, toy-removing, and aspirin-taking.
Around seven-thirty last night, Erin emerged from the bedroom for the first time saying that she was feeling a little better. Dylan brought me his cup and began chanting juice, and when I got up to fill it, Ronin started screaming because he wasn't getting any. I told him to bring me his cup, which resulted in him running in a circle crying looking for it. I looked all over the house before I realized that I had picked it up and put it in the sink earlier in the day. Both boys were practically pulling my pants down while I was trying to fill their cups. They were in the way of the refrigerator, they cried when I told them to move, they cried when I didn't fill their cups fast enough.
I had reached my breaking point, and I almost started crying. All I could do was laugh because I was about to go crawl under my bed and cry myself to sleep. Erin helped me put the boys to bed, and I put my tail between my legs and retreated to the shower. I was more worn out than I had been in a long time...and in the moments of peace and refreshment that the shower offered I had some time to reflect.
My wonderful wife deals with this on a daily basis. I don't know how she does it, but she does. The little things that made my day so difficult, she knows them by heart. The sacrifices that seemed so unapparent to me - she makes them constantly without complaining. The effort that she puts forth in a day astonishes me and leaves me to wonder if I have ever put that much effort into anything. She also works during the day. She does medical transcribing, a job that requires great attention to detail, while balancing three children. She is also the one that gave birth to Donovan only two months ago...and her body still has not recovered from that. As a final act, she gets me to deal with when I come home from work.
I picked up all of the toys in our house so many times yesterday that it made me sick. Regardless, when the kids went to bed, the living room looked like a mess because they had been playing. I did more loads of laundry yesterday than I did my entire college career, but at the end of the day there was still a pile of the clothes we had all been wearing. I did dishes three times during the day, but at the end, there were still bottles and juice-cups and plates and pans in the sink. I took out the trash, but by night fall there was a decent pile of diapers, apple cores, and banana peels already filling up a second one.
And Erin does this everyday...by herself.
I go to work each day and put forth my best for my employers. However, I guarantee that I have never put forth the sort of above-and-beyond, selfless effort that my wife displays on a daily basis. Maybe that says something about me, but I am thinking it says far more about the woman I share my life with.
God help me if I am ever tempted to question the toys on the floor when I come home from work, or the dishes in the sink, or the clothes in the hamper, or my exhausted wife's seemed disinterest in me. I was ready to quit after 9 hours...and I didn't have medical transcribing...and I didn't make dinner, McDonald's did.
Sometime I can't summon the effort to sit down and do something I love...Erin summons effort each day that I can only imagine possessing. She is amazing...and I love her.
I am so ready for work on Monday.
